I had an interesting case of a woman experiencing "love pain". "Sophia" was divorced two years ago. Sophia's husband was caught being unfaithful, not for the first time, and she decided it was time to leave. After two years, she still feels the deep pain of separation, and her family has tried to get them back together. She is feeling ambivalent and unsure. She also feels that if she really stops feeling guilty about leaving him, it will be as if all the good things in their marriage never existed and she will lose him forever.
We started our session with an intention for healing, and started with the Tell the Story Technique, stopping to tap every time her emotional intensity increased. We made sure she was clear that it was important for her to stop the story every time she felt any intensity.
We tapped on:
Even though I felt devastated by his infidelity…
Even though my family thinks I imagined it and they side with him…
Even though I am deeply hurt because my sister prefers going out to dinner with him than with me…
Even though my mother says a wife should be forgiving and overlook men's "little indiscretions"…
Even though I feel guilty because I left him…
Even though I feel guilty because my son and my daughter want me to make up with him and I can't…
Even though I feel guilty because I thought we had a happy marriage and he was having an affair…
A lot of anger came up at this point (Sophia was taught women should never get angry) so we tapped on:
Even though it's not ok for me to be angry, I do feel angry…
Even though I'm angry because my adult children want me to get back together with their dad…
Even though I'm angry because he kept the house…
Even though I'm angry that the law didn't order spousal support…
Even though I wish I could move to another country and not see him again…
Even though this betrayal anger is choking me…
After tapping several rounds on the anger, she continued the story, and a deep sadness came up:
Even though I have this divorce sadness…
Even though I'm sad because I miss him…
Even though I'm not supposed to miss him anymore, it's been 2 years…
Even though I'm sad because I hoped we would always be married…
Even though I'm sad that he fell out of love with me…
Even though I trusted him…
Sophia had been doing a lot of affirmations to push away the sadness and her negative thoughts. She was trying to be "very positive" and see the good side of things and was surprised that she had all this anger and sadness inside her. She also still felt connected to her ex husband, and asked if the tapping would erase all the good times; she didn't want to lose him completely! We tapped on:
Even though I'm afraid that if I let go of my guilt, anger and sadness I will lose him completely, I choose to keep all my good memories.
Even though I'm afraid tapping will be like a magic wand that erases my life history, and I'll be left with a gaping hole, all my experiences really happened and I choose to remember them joyfully and peacefully.
Even though my husband and I are no longer together, I choose to give him a place in my heart as my first husband and the father of my children.
I choose to feel calm, centered and at peace.
After this last round, Sophia felt a lot lighter, and she could now "Tell the Story" in a very matter of fact way. She also said she was now ready to start dating!
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